Thoughts on Friendship // Rebekah Eddy

9:48:00 AM

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Hello friends! Today Miss Rebekah Eddy is here to talk to us about choosing good friends. After the post, make sure you drop a lovely comment here to let her know if you enjoyed it! And don’t forget to check out Miss Rebekah’s blog here


I was so excited to have the honor of being invited to post on Ashley's blog. :) With my life as crazy as it is right now, I had to wrestle with the decision to actually commit to writing it for a couple weeks after getting her email. However, like He does sometimes, God laid this subject on my heart and didn't let it disappear so I thought I'd better get it out in a blog post sooner rather than later. ;)

Which subject did I get plagued with? I'm glad you asked. ;) The subject of choosing friends with discernment and wisdom. As someone who grew up as a Homeschooler and in a Christian home, I've been blessed with amazing friends all throughout my childhood and teen years.

HOWEVER I have had some experience with bad friends, though thankfully these times have been few and far between. (First, let me explain that when I say "bad friends", I'm not talking about any friends of mine. I don't recall ever having friends that were anything less than encouraging and godly around me my entire life. No, I'm talking about in general... those bad friends of people I know or see interacting with other people in public.)

There is a very distinct line between good friends and bad friends, and I think we all need to know where that is and acknowledge how much of an impact either type will have on our daily life - whether positive or negative.

I have a Biblical illustration of both kinds of friends, some traits that will hopefully help you decide which categories your own friends fall under, and three verses....just as back up. ;) I'll start with the negative side so we can end this post on a more positive note. :)

I think the most well known story in the Bible of bad friends comes from the parable of the Prodigal Son. You all know how the story goes, right? The younger son decided he doesn't want to wait until his father's death to get his inheritance, and when his father agrees to let his son have his fortune NOW, the son ends up squandering it all on debauchery and sinful behavior and "friends". Eventually, he comes to his senses and the tale ends with that beautiful picture of forgiveness that God has toward all of us prodigal sons.

The point I want to bring out of this story, though, is all those "friends" that the prodigal son made while he had his fortune. Whenever we read that story, we shake our head at the son and his terrible choices...as we should...but we also need to realize that we may not ever take our inheritance from our parents before they die and use it to lead a sinful life, but we may choose to have terrible friends around us without even knowing what we're doing.

How does this happen? Well, similarly to the prodigal son, we may not realize that some of our so-called friends are encouraging us in the wrong way. I speak from experience here when I say that it is SO easy to assume that all the people you meet are nice people. Naivety is a problem among young Christians. I've heard a lot of stories about people innocently creating a friendship with truly terrible people and ruining their lives because of it.

Now, am I suggesting that we tremble at home and never make any friends at all because they could be criminals or worse? Of course not. I'm just saying you should be careful. A few questions to ask yourself about people you want to be your friends:

1: Do/would your parents approve of them spending time with you?

2: Do they seem to have good relationships with their family members?

3: Do spiritual things ever come up in a casual conversation?

If the answer to any of these questions is "no", you should probably keep this person at acquaintance level.

Ok, so now you know how to avoid making new bad friends, but what about those friends you already have? How do you know if they're a good friends for you or not? Well, I've noticed a pattern of behavior in people who make good friends and hose who don't. Let me share these traits with you.

Bad Friend Traits: (I alliterated them just for fun. ;)

Self-Seeking: (Proverbs 19:4)

Do any of your friends seem to always be looking out for themselves? Do they only seek what will make them happy and not the people around them? Like those friends of that prodigal son we were talking about earlier, would any of your friends leave your side if something terrible happened to you or your family? If so, this type of person is not a good friend and shouldn't ever be considered one.

Being "Busy": (Job 19:19)

You know what type of person I'm talking about. Those "friends" who are never around when you need them the most. Those "friends" that could care less about anything you happen to be going through, whether physical or emotional. These are the so-called "friends" who DON'T have your back. They're the last ones who end up hearing about exciting or tragic things in your life and never the people you call on if you have car trouble on the way to work. These are the people you forget live nearby when your looking for a place to spend the night. We have a term for them. We call them "fair-weather friends". They don't want to be bothered with your issues, and they really don't want to spend any amount of quality time around you. All in all, NOT the type of friend you want to have.

Talking Trash: (Psalm 41:9)

Ah, yes, the back-talkers. The two-faced apples. The friends who appear so nice on one side, and then cruelly rip you to shreds with their words the minute you're not there to defend yourself. These are sometimes the hardest bad friends to discover within your circle because they are so very nice whenever you're around. However, these types can't hide their true nature forever. Eventually, you'll find out about them whether through other friends or through them slipping up in front of you somehow. This can be a very painful discovery depending on how well you thought you this particular person and for how long you were friends, but trust me, the sooner you have rid yourself of them, the better it will be for everyone. These types of friends tend to sow discord and malice between people, and can be very poisonous to the people they come into contact with.

The main point I want to make before moving on is this: please be careful when choosing your friends. Bad friends are often the way Satan chooses to pull Christians away from their walk with God. Be the one that pulls people from the world into the church, not the other way around. It's a tricky balance between being friendly toward people who need Christ and being friends with people who need Christ, but it's a balance that you have to have.

Alrighty, now onto the more happy portion of this post. :) Identifying the good friends in your life.

I'll start by giving you an example of a good friendship from the Bible. My favorite friendship in the Bible actually: the friendship between David and Jonathan. This story, found in 1st Samuel, is such a beautiful picture of how friendship is SUPPOSED to work. I would encourage you to read the entire story starting in chapter 18 of 1st Samuel if you haven't read it recently, but I'll also give you a quick summery as well.

The story of David and Jonathan's friendship is woven between a very interesting time period of Israel history. David has already been told that he will become the next King of Israel, but Saul is still the current King and has a son who, according to tradition, should be the next King of Israel...not David.

After the whole Goliath incident, Saul brings David in to congratulate him on his win in the fight and the first meeting between Jonathan and David occurs. Both Saul and Jonathan recognize the amazing work God has done through David, but unlike his father, Jonathan admires him for it instead of becoming jealous of his new fame and success across the kingdom.

David marries Jonathan's sister and moves into the castle. Their friendship grows and strengthens despite the fact that Jonathan probably knows that God is priming David for the throne, not him.
Multiple times, Jonathan puts himself between his father's wrath and David, once even getting a spear thrown at him for his effort.

Even after Jonathan is eventually killed in battle, David promises (and keeps that promise) to look after his descendants that were almost stamped out when David was crowned King.

These two young men showed each other such attributes that friendship is supposed to show: loyalty, honesty, self-sacrifice, and encouragement.

The point I especially want to pull from this story is that friendship goes both ways. Don't just have good friends, but BE A GOOD FRIEND YOURSELF. I can't stress this point enough. Work on being a good friend and you will find yourself making good friends. Remember those questions I told you to ask yourself before making a good friend? Well, those still apply when your looking for a good friend as well as when you're watching out for bad friends.

I've already told you how to identify bad friends in your circle of acquaintances, but I think it's important to also realize and acknowledge the good friends you have. Why? Well, good friends are a treasure that we often take for granted. They're one of those blessings like food and water and electricity that are such a part of our daily life that they go unnoticed far too much. We need to remember to appreciate and be grateful for our good friends. And that's why it's important to know who they are. There are some traits that you'll find (and should try to have yourself) in a good friend, and I'll lay them out in a contrasting list to the traits of bad friends.

Good Friend Traits: (It was trickier alliterating these ones, so excuse some of the stretches I had to make)

Obliging to Others: (Proverbs 27:6)

Instead of always looking out for themselves, true friends will look out for others. Selflessness is a HUGE deal in a friendship. You can always recognize a good friend by things they've sacrificed for the good of their friends. Whether it's time, finances, or physical health (like staying up with a sick friend or shaving their head so they match their friend with cancer) it's those kinds of things that show true friendship.

Always Around: (Proverbs 18:24)

These are the friends you can call on if you're stuck on the highway with a flat tire or in need of some coffee and a shoulder to cry on. Very similar to the "obliging to others" friends I just mentioned, these two attributes can get confused with one another. I have to admit, they often go hand-in-hand. The self-sacrificial friends are often the same ones who will come help patch up your plumbing when your kitchen is flooding. However, they do have their differences. You can ALWAYS count on these friends. They will always have your back.

Honest and Honorable: (Proverbs 12:26)

I know this is technically two traits in one...but who's writing this post anyways? Buy one, get one free (although you didn't actually pay for the first one either...so scratch that). ANYWAYS. *cough*
Honesty is something I really appreciate in my friends. Getting critiqued is never fun, but trust me, once the change has been made, it's worth it. You can always expect the truth from these friends, and you know that they're correcting you because they love you and want to see you become a better you (I know that sounds like a cheap American slogan, but I mean that in the truest sense).

Honor in friendship is also very important. Remember those back-biters we talked about earlier? Well, those friends are the opposite of honorable. When you have friends that are honorable, you know that they will do what they say they'll do and there's nothing two-faced about them.


To summarize all my ramblings into a sentence: surround yourself with friends who will DRAW YOU CLOSER TO GOD and avoid those friends who will push you away from godly behavior.

I hope this kind of made sense to most of you. XD I would get you a translator, but I'm not sure how much that would help. My hope is that this post will encourage everyone who reads it and bring glory to God. :)

Thanks again to Ashley for letting me do this! I loved being able to be a part of your series and I look forward to reading everyone else's posts now that I have mine written! ;)


Rebekah is a nineteen-year-old pastor's daughter up in Western Washington as well as an author and blogger. She enjoys eating ice cream in flip-flops and sunny weather while dreaming of visiting the British Isles someday and traveling across the United States. You can find her on all sorts of social media including Goodreads, Pinterest, and Instagram...but she'd love it most if you dropped by her blog and said "hello". (Hint, hint, nudge, nudge) ;)




Thanks so much Miss Rebekah, for taking the time to write this post today! Remember to take a look at her blog here and give it a follow!

Photo by Joseph Pearson on Unsplash

3 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for inviting me to be a part of this series! :D

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    1. Thank YOU! This post was such a blessing to me!

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  2. Wow Rebekah! I loved your post. It was very encouraging. Thanks a ton for sharing!

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