Thoughts on Friendship // with Abigayle Claire

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Today, we have the honor of having Miss Abigayle Claire share with us! Miss Abigayle blogs regularly at The Left-Handed Typist and has also written several novels - one which she has self-published and I've read! If you'd like to check out her book, Martin Hospitality, you can get it here on Amazon or here on Barnes and Noble.

We'll find out a little more about Abigayle after the post.:)

How Intentional Are Your Friendships?

Hello, everyone! I'm on Ashley's blog today to talk about intentional friendships. One of the hardest parts of guest posting is choosing a topic, but Ashley made that much simpler by asking that I choose a verse or quote on friendship to write about. I love that idea, and it was surprisingly easy to choose two Bible verses that this post will revolve around:

Proverbs 13:20

"He that walketh with wise men shall be wise:
But a companion of fools shall be destroyed."

Proverbs 12:26
"The righteous is more excellent than his neighbor:
but the way of the wicked seduceth them."

Summing these two proverbs up together, I would say we are to choose our friends carefully so that we can avoid being influenced by the wicked and the foolish.

These are a little tricky, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea, so bear with me and be sure to have me clarify in the comments if necessary. ;)

I don't think that God is telling us here that we should only have friends who are like us. Or that we should shun and avoid unbelievers, non-homeschoolers, (fill in the blank with *those people*) ... people who are different than us. Not at all ;) Because it is a very different thing to be around those people, and to be friends with those people in such a way that their destructive lifestyles will destroy ours as well. That's what we're trying to be careful about here. And it really has to be taken on more of a person-by-person basis, anyway.

So that leads me to ask, How intentional are your friendships? I consider myself "friends" with a lot of people, some of whom could get me into trouble if I were really friends with them. There are "friends" who are more like acquaintances that I chat with and then friends who are people I hold in high esteem and would trust my life with. Or at least trust to be around my parents and little siblings.

As Christians, we are called to be the salt and light of the world, which requires interacting with people drastically different than us! So we're not to close ourselves off. But we should be wise about the people we associate with frequently, because as both proverbs suggest, it's not hard to be influenced by the people we're around!

Of course, how influenced we are by those around us says as much about us as it does about them. But even people who have a strong grounding and won't be swayed in an argument will be unaware of the level to which their society influences them.

So when choosing people you are going to trust, value, love, and support ... be intentional. Even as an introvert, there are some people whom I just connect with from the beginning of a conversation. While that doesn't necessarily mean I need to be their best friend, it's amazing how many times that's exactly what happens! And the more I learn about them, the more I realize we're similar in the areas that matter (like our faith, and therefore our moral framework). Quite often, we're similar in most areas that people tend to feel strongly about (politics, education, religion, etc.). While that's by no means a requirement, it makes things much easier.

I've been blessed to have some very long-term friends--girls whom I've grown up with for the past 12 years and whom I feel quite close to. We all have our areas of disagreement, but I would die for either of them, and we confide in each other. It's the depth of a relationship that we must be careful about--you don't want to confide in someone who will tell your secrets or suddenly decide they don't like you anymore.

And that takes wisdom. Being intentional in choosing your true friends is less about running their life story through a grid that compares it to yours. It's more about following the Spirit's leading. There are some people I enjoy being around that quite honestly aren't that good for me. And there are some people I don't always enjoy being around because they are good for me. They try my patience or (lovingly) push me to be better.

Some general criteria that give me warning signs that a person should only remain a surface-level friend are:

  • if their actions or conduct make me uncomfortable
  • if I'm freer than I know I should be around them (bad habits rubbing off)
  • if they are inclined to ridicule or discredit my beliefs

Likewise, some criteria for people I connect with (and this can differ for the person) are people who:

  • are willing to listen
  • have an encouraging spirit
  • are able to focus on what matters most
  • challenge me to be more
  • therefore gain my respect and admiration

Obviously, none of that is all-inclusive. But they're good starting points. There is no list or formula to determine the heart of someone, which is why we have to rely on the Holy Spirit's guidance, trusting that everyone in our path is there for a reason. We just have to find out what that reason is :)


Are you intentional in who you surround yourself with and confide in? Have you ever been surprised by someone's compatibility or incompatibility with you?

Abigayle has been a writer ever since her mother taught her how to hold a pencil. However, she devoted more time to reading words with her green eyes than penning them with her left hand. Inspired by a crazy dream at the age of sixteen, she set off on a journey to self-publish her first novel, Martin Hospitality. Since then, Abigayle has devoted herself to sharing what she has learned through the mediums of freelance editing and her blog ... when period drama films are not calling more loudly. None of her successes, including winning a Readers' Favorite award, would be possible without the support of her Savior, large family, and online community.

Thanks Miss Abigayle! Did anyone find this post insightful? Let us know in the comments! And be sure to check out Miss Abigayle's blog if you haven't already.

Photo by Sam Manns on Unsplash


  1. my best friend and only friend is named Tina. She is better a friend than Christian college folks have been. Her bad habit of smoking... instead of encouraging me to try it out she does the opposite. She doesn't want me touching any substance that would harm my body or kill me, cause she knows me. So she is a catholic but still she is my best friend. Is that ok?

    1. Thanks for reading Evan! Abi had some great criteria in the post for knowing if you have a good friend. If you look at some of those and realize she is those things, then you may have a pretty good friend on your hands!

    2. That's a great example, Evan. Like Ashley said, and I like I said in the post, it's really up to the individual person! I would definitely pray about it. But there's a reason you get along! A difference in denomination and life style doesn't necessarily make you incompatible as friends. The fact that you know each other well and that she strives to look out for your well-being are good signs :)

  2. Thanks for sharing, Abi! Loved being able to have you on here!

    1. Thanks for having me, Ashley! I had a lot of fun writing this post :) I'll definitely have to take the idea of basing a topic off a passage on my own blog next time I'm in need of post ideas :D


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